Wifey, I, and the Dog – Out on Bail Until December.

Mom and Dad went back three days ago.

Before Leaving Noida

We went to the station to see them off. Just wifey and I. The dog refused to go. All the time they were here she felt like a second-grade member of the family and more than twice she bared her fangs at Mom. I don’t blame the dog nor her grouse against Mom, who took possession of her sofa, barred her from sleeping in the bed, and never allowed the dog to lick her plate clean. Which dog can forgive such a meddler?
So the dog refused to see them off.
Smart dog.

But the two of us were there at the station. Honestly, Mom and Dad didn’t need our assistance, their luggage did. Mom had been a busy shopper-ant while she was here, and in her two month long visit, she had acquired six new suits, four new saris, three ugly brass vases, and a bag full of gifts that she could’ve bought in any city in India, including hers.

At New Delhi Railway Station

But let me take you to the station straight away. (That would be the New Delhi Railway station. If someone shot a top-view picture of it – it would look like a cookie-crumb being attacked by a million ants at once!)
At the platform, Mom sighed, “Puttar (Son), I wish we could’ve stayed longer.”
Wifey and I exchanged looks. I jumped in to save the conversation from wifey’s retort.
“Mom, you are anyway coming back in December… for Honey’s wedding,” I said. Dad tut-tuted in the background.
“What Ji?” Mom turned her attention to Dad.
“Nothing,” Dad hastily retracted his tut-tuts. He couldn’t let Mom know that he was sympathetic to our plight.

Fate intervened in form of the train. Shatabdi Express pulled into the station, and the ants at once attacked all its unopened doors, sticking to them with an invisible glue, wanting to be the first ones inside. The fact that Shatabdi is a fully reserved train which doesn’t carry extra-passengers, didn’t matter.  Jagah lena (taking our place) is an Indian trait, that we don’t and won’t give up, Shatabdi or Airplane, we always want to be the first ones inside…taking our place!

Mom, as always was a front-runner, dad and I brought up the rear. Wifey, after having touched their feet with lightening speed, had removed herself to a less-crowded area of the platform. The three of us jostled with other similarly charged passengers, trying to ensure that Mom was among the first few inside the coach. After some shoves, a few pushes, and a final heave, she was on the train. Once the first and the most inspired group of passengers was inside, the doorway cleared. Dad, I, and Mom’s luggage followed.

Inside the Shatabdi Express

Once they had settled inside, Mom switch to her caring-mother-mode.
Puttar, eat well. Every time I see you, you look thinner,” she entreated.
Teri votti tera khayal nahi rakhdi hai, sookhi roti tey arhal di dal,(Your wife doesn’t care for you, dry unleavened bread and lentils,) that food isn’t fit for a horse,” she complained.
“And what is this nonsense? In December, you give me the good news, or else..” she threatened.
Dad foresaw the impending clash of the titans, and jumped in. “Having a child is their personal decision.” My spirits lifted. At least Dad understood. Then he completed his sentence. “And when they couldn’t do it in ten years, how do you think they can do it in two months?” My spirits crashed.
It was right at that moment that I heard the whistle of the train. It was a sign from God. I was granted bail!
I dipped to touch Mom’s feet. Dad is a military man and doesn’t like his feet to be touched, so he thumped my back before I rushed out of the train and jumped on the platform, just a few seconds before the train started moving.

After The Train Left

Wifey and I waved to Mom and Dad. Then we turned to look at each other, suddenly realizing that it had been a while that we had seen each other properly.
It took a moment for the feeling to sink in.
– We were now free – until December!
– We could hold hands, sit with our feet up on the sofa!
– Eat non-greasy boring food!
– Order a pizza!
– we could go back and tell the dog that the house was hers now…until December!

—— §§§ ——


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About Anand

Parodist, Humorist, Caricaturist, Nerd.
This entry was posted in humor, Indian Family Anecdotes, indian humour, Parody, Satire, The QSM Magazine and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

68 Responses to Wifey, I, and the Dog – Out on Bail Until December.

  1. Face-splitting grin! Well-done, as always! Happy pizza-eating and having your dog on the sofa! My dog occupies every raised surface of the house except tables, the kitchen counter, the piano, and other such things. No bed, armchair or couch is safe while she’s around. She rules the roost, my dog! We bring her daily tributes, which she accepts with dignity and goofy grin.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Made me laugh! Mothers of sons are the same all over the world! Their daughters-in-law can never measure up!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Uday says:

    Oh Anand, reading your posts always make think about my own future 😀 You mom really calls you Puttar? That’s cute 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Shatabdi express, isint that like the fastest train or something? Enjoyed the post as always! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. That was so funny. your dad sounds hoot too, very dry! I am glad that you, wifey and the dog can have a bit of respite now and enjoy doing what you want! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. oneta hayes says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed more of your fantastic family fare.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I can totally imagine a fabulous sitcom about you and your family! I’d 100% watch that!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. samanthaw58 says:

    @Anand I would like to nominate Anands Parodies & Caricatures – Quirky, Snarky, Malarkey blog for the Blogger Recognition Award. Thank you for your comments and support during the course. Fabulous caricatures, you are a talented artist and an inspiring, fun writer Anand! [https://samanthaw34.wordpress.com/2015/10/05/8-expanding-comments/]

    Liked by 2 people

  9. magiceye says:

    That was hilarious!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Love your caricatures and ur dog… Wonder how your mum feels when she reads these posts?..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anand says:

      Thank you…the dog is the only one who has been able to strike a balance so far. While The chances of this material reaching mom are remote, I have a feeling that she should feel elated. I only talk about her good points, you see.


  11. Pingback: Free-For-All Friday #32 | Edwina's Episodes

  12. Kyly Sheldon says:

    That was hilarious! Your story telling is fantastic.

    I feel for your dog, ours is also a fully fledged member of the family, allowed wherever he pleases. His nose would seriously be put out of joint if he was suddenly treated like a pet. (My husband tries that approach every now and then but loses. No one messes with my furbaby). The dog only uses his own bed to eat dog biscuits in, otherwise he’s with me on the couch or bed, usually looking at my husband with an expression that says, “why are you here too? Don’t you have something to do?”

    Enjoy having your own space back. I’d never cope with parents staying IN my house, right there, in my face, for two months. You and your wife are true survivors 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  13. NJ says:

    Being an Indian and upon that being a married Indian woman 🙂 I can understand everything so much better 😛 But I liked the way you made whole thing so much funny 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. This is deliciously funny. I love it. I’m here by way of Edwina’s blog. 😀 😀 ^^’


  15. How did I not know that Mother dearest is leaving 😉oh well, you need a break to regain some strength till December and Miss Doggy too 😆. I am sure she has a lot to say!


  16. I was looking for Indian bloggers and came across this post. I expected something serious when I saw “Out on bail…” but it came as a pleasant surprise. Made me laugh, it was a like a “visual humours story”.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Tejaswi says:

    Hahaha.. what a post!!! But hey, Anand, the last lines.. er.. don’t you think your mom and dad looked at each other and thought exactly the same thing??? 😀
    *And, my sympathies.. went through the same thing about bearing progeny.. except with a deaf old aunt, who literally yells in public.. huh? what?? no children yet?? why not??? and I mumble sheepishly, whisper, that it is not time yet.. that we have to settle down first… and she shouts.. in a wedding hall, no less… “Arey, then get yourself checked up.. these days doctors work miracles… you will be fertile in no time at all”…. ground, please open up and swallow me… 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Anand says:

      Not sure of that. I have a feeling that they see themselves as our gaolers when they visit – and Mom thrives on ordering people around. You are right about the deaf aunts, who you hope were dumb too – but they never are. In my post on Relatives, I’ve illustrated the behavior of one such meddling aunt. Thanks so much for visiting and sympathizing – wifey wants me to tell you that she totally understands.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. 😀 . Loved the post. You have described the Indian trait perfectly. It’s so true that we always want to be the first ones to get inside a train, even if all the seats are reserved.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anand says:

      And on a bus…and in a cinema hall…we want to be the first – it doesn’t matter if someone gets hurt in the process. I think it’s a leftover trait from the days of scarce resources…

      Liked by 1 person

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