Miley Cyrus is in news, all the time. And for all raunchy reasons. First she had that huge foam finger on, which went places and did things that made people gasp with righteous indignation; next, she got her deceased pup Floyd tattooed at an odd place under her arm; and now she has encased her slim bottom in an au-natural but a much-darker bottom that’s three-times hers. According to rumor-mongers, it could be Miley taking a dig on Nicki Minaj whose bottom is infinitely more popular than Miley’s.
I think that poor Miley isn’t at fault here. She gets her hand in a gigantic foam glove and her backside into that humongous butt because there’s nothing else left in her wardrobe. She needs a new dress and I whole-heartedly recommend the Indian Ghagra-choli.
Here’s Miley’s Indian Caricature – Pretty and Petite – about to dance a Bollywood Item Number.
Note that in this caricature, Miley’s tongue is safely inside her mouth. Why, you may ask. Well. It’s because she isn’t embarrassed anymore. Remember that when the media (which for once was speaking on behalf of the public) asked her why her tongue hung out of her mouth all the time, she had told them that her hanging tongue symbolized her shy nature and that when she feels embarrassed, her tongue automatically throws itself over the balcony of her lower lip (in a symbolic suicide? I sympathize with her poor tongue.)
In this caricature, Miley isn’t embarrassed by her usually silly wardrobe anymore, and so her tongue too has stopped feeling suicidal.
Among other things, Miley is known for twerking (the awkward dance in which you bend your knees and thurst your pelvis…) In fact, the non-Indian puritans may find twerking raunchy, but we Indians find it rather mild and bland, when we compare it to our own spiced-up Bollywood Servings of Item Numbers replete with ever-entertaining, libido-stirring latkas and jhatkas. Shilpa Shetty (UP Bihar Lootne), Bipasha Basu (Bidi Jalayele), Malaika Arora (Munni Badnam hui), Katrina Kaif (Chikni Chameli), and even Kareena Kapoor (Chipkale Saiyyan Fevicol se) can give Miley Cyrus a run for her tonguelitude and her twerking – but I know that they won’t. Our Bollywood ladies twerk gracefully, in lehnga odhni, ghaghra-choli, or lavani-naugajki.
Moreover, our choreographers appreciate the importance of secondary motion which lends sensuality to the dance without making it overtly graphic. So they use strategically designed dresses to walk the tight-rope between the censor-board and the ooh-aahing public that keeps them in business.
I hope that Miley comes to her senses and changes her wardrobe, her advisors, and her props – she must hire an Indian designer pronto! If you haven’t been to Miley’s website, you’ve been missing out on a raw deal – go get overawed!