The Harassed Computers Association Strikes Back!

Our Computers are on Strike!

The computers in my house are on strike. Until a week ago, I had no idea the guys were members of a union called the Harassed Computers Association or the HCA. In fact, until about a week ago, I never stopped to think how hard my computer must have been working. As if things weren’t bad enough before, six months ago it had to start working overtime for a shriveled-up mean-spirited Anandhotep who wouldn’t let it rest, even in the wee hours of the morning.

No wonder then, that my uncomplaining friend drew the last straw, joined the HCA and went on strike. With my computer beeping and blinking, I naturally turned my attention to wifey’s computer. I could swear on that rotting mummy, I mustn’t have used it for more than a total of ten hours, and I never asked it to do anything outside its job description; no CPU-killing 3D renders, no surfing on the no-no sites, no anything that could be called harassment. And yet, three days ago, wifey told me that her computer hadn’t reported for duty!

I later learned that my computer had induced her computer to join the HCA.  I have a feeling that there might be something going on between the two. After all, they happen to spend a lot of time together, in the same room.

Any way, two days ago, we received the list of demands.

Meet our Demands or Else!

1. A new RAM for my computer immediately. My computer would return to work only after this condition was met.
2. An additional 4GB of RAM for my computer before two weeks are up.
3. A new Hard-disk for wifey’s computer. Her computer would return to work only after this condition was met.
4. An additional 8GB of RAM for her computer before two weeks are up.
5. Average working hours for my computer must be reduced from 14 to 8, with immediate effect.
6. Anandhotep must stop using hieroglyphical swearwords when he uses my computer. If this digital harassment doesn’t stop, irrespective or whether the other conditions were met, the computers will stop working.

Current Status:

  • We’ve been able to meet only one demand so far. Pending compliance of other demands, in the interim, my computer has returned to work.
  • Wifey’s computer is still enjoying its time off. Wifey is mad at me because she’s done a root cause analysis and arrived at the conclusion that I am the reason why the computers went on strike.
  • I sent a memo to Anandhotep. His reply was a selfie in which he is cuddled with two Egyptian bandaged beauties and sticking out his tongue at me. I trust that’s the only muscle in his body that still works.

    If you enjoyed this post, find more of my Quirky, Snarky, Malarkey in The QSM Magazine.

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About Anand

Parodist, Humorist, Caricaturist, Nerd.
This entry was posted in Parody, Personal, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

44 Responses to The Harassed Computers Association Strikes Back!

  1. BunKaryudo says:

    Oh dear! It sounds like you are in the midst of a serious dispute, Anand. I don’t have your expertise in this area, but couldn’t your arrange for a neutral party — an iPad, say — to arbitrate? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your a whimsically funny man. I liked your take on computers. It made me laugh out loud. And I really needed that today. Thank You.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anand says:

      Thank you Hudson. I always say, it’s human nature to laugh when there’s a split in someone’s knickers, especially when those knickers aren’t yours. On my blog, they are always mine. Welcome here 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. oneta hayes says:

    Have you considered divorce – not you and wifey, you and your computers. Go get a couple slick chic models and set them out with screen opened with wallpaper of wine and roses. Let your computers get a glimpse of what retirement is going to feel like. After Anand and wifey I bet sitting on a discard rack would be pretty painful You will see them melt into negotiation mode . . . Well, maybe.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love that you turned your computer issues into such a clever story! Always a pleasure!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wandering Soul says:

    I have a feeling this bonhomie isn’t restricted to being in the same room. My laptop has been joining them on and off, but returns to work upon threats of harsh punishments. The mouse however has a tougher heart and doesn’t melt as easily. So, for now it’s been replaced with so much as second glance. Please tell both your computers, if they don’t behave they shall be laid off with no benefits whatsoever. That should set them right.
    Jadoo has worked himself into a frenzy at being told the next issue of QSM may be delayed. He has promised to convince Anandhotep to put his tongue back in and return to work without complaining.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anand says:

      They haven’t told me much but I have a feeling that this is a huge union. It might even have a global presence. Sorry to hear that they’ve reached your laptop too. My advice would be to listen to it. Happy computers don’t join HCA (they are a lot more logical than humans,) and a sick computer may get sicker if forced to work. Maybe I am a softie, but I’d rather mollycoddle than threaten them. (They are like family, you see.)
      Tell Jadoo that the next issue will be in time, as always. The computers will be up and running by the weekend, and I’ll start putting the issue together in early Feb. Jadoo should try and influence Peeeeyyyoooookkkkhaaaa and get her to write a QSM article!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Wandering Soul says:

        Jadoo says he will try though he reminds me that it may be easier to convince God to grant world peace than to influence a woman.

        (Working on it. I promise. 🙂 )

        Liked by 1 person

      • Anand says:

        Jadoo may be right, but what if God is a woman too? Just a thought – especially as Mom’s favorite deity is a woman. I have a feeling that if changed her loyalties to a male god – for instance Lord Shiva or Lord Krishna, they might hear her prayers and flush the programming bug out of my system.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. uh oh….time to meet their demands, I guess! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Mine went on strike once in the middle of a $20K website sale. I brought in a scab (library computer) to finish the deal. Showed him.

    Hilarious. Thank you for writing it.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh my! I thought computers trouble humans when they conk off every now and then, knowing how dependent we are on them and start acting pricey. You made me realize their plight in a whole new light.
    Btw your wifey’s reaction is so practical and cute too ..Hubby should own up the responsibility for everything that goes on strike …be it the computer, driver or even the maid. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Alok Singhal says:

    Quite a witty one – i just pray mine doesn’t go on a time off! Maybe they need an AC also in the room, summers are approaching 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Awesome. I am amazed about how you write such a hilarious post about a simple situation. I guess your wifey will never allow you to touch her computer again 🙂 Even in my house, my family members give me a suspicious look when the computer starts giving trouble .

    Like

  11. Looks like I’m getting addicted to you writing. Glad to have found you!

    Your new reader,
    Noorain

    Like

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