Pristine beauty-sheauty hai bakwaas,
yeh sab to hai ji makeup ka kamaal!
Translation:
Pristine beauty is nothing but hogwash;
Makeup created this whole look, by God!
Use the word pristine in a thirteen word story, she said, and I started scratching my head.
Right now, my head stands at the threshold of a new hairless existence, and wifey is becoming overly possessive of my hair. She has a long list of dos and don’ts, a hand-me-down from her mom. The fact that on a full-moon night, my father-in-law’s head can confuse a moon-gazer, is beside the point. “He still had full head of hair when he had turned 50,” wifey insists.
Snipping a long yarn short, wifey doesn’t want me to leap into the deserted lands of bald pates, nor does she want to let the world see my grays. So when I sat scratching my head, she decided to broach the subject again, “You are so handsome and if you colored your hair, you’d look not a day older than 28! And stop scratching your head. You’ll make the hair fall off!”
“They are rooted in my scalp,” I retorted, “they won’t fall off! And I don’t want to color my hair. I want to keep those grays. One of my blogging friends told me that they’d make me look distinguished!”
“Distinguished?” wifey snickered, flaring her nostrils and pursing her lips. “You trust them more than you trust me? I know more about make up and looking good than you do, don’t I?”
I saw the catch. Plain and clear. I also saw the answer to Rashmi’s riddle.
Pristine beauty-sheauty hai bakwaas,
yeh sab to hai ji makeup ka kamaal!
Translation:
Pristine beauty is nothing but hogwash;
Makeup created this whole look, by God!
On hindsight, I shouldn’t have recited it aloud. But I did. Earlier, the Sunday breakfast plans included mooli ke paranthe with butter and tomato-chutney. That was before I wrote the thirteen-word story for Rashmi. Now we’ll be having bread and scrambled eggs.
Wifey is letting you live for another breakfast. Be thankful.
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Oneta, why did have this feeling that you’ll side with her?
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Enjoy your bread and scrambled eggs. Your wifey is actually very kind to let you enjoy a breakfast even after you dared to say that you trust your friends more than her.
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Somali, I am waiting for the day I’ll finally figure out women. You mean I should color my hair per her advice? I never said that I trust my blogging friends more than I trust her. It’s just that sometimes they sound more sensible…
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Anand, you can;t see your hair. Can you? So better go by the advice of the one who has to see it all the time.
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Somali, if you don’t tattle to wifey, I’ll tell you that while I can’t see my own mug and the nest that sits atop, I can see those stolen glances of fair maidens who grew up on a steady diet of Mills and Boon romances – and wifey knows it too. I’ve seen her simmer too often, though there’s no cause for it – she is the owner of the prime property called my heart.
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I see. …stolen glances and jealousy . 😀
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On the wife’s side here 🙂
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Of course. With three votes favoring her, all I must do now is decide between Lo-real (really?) and revel-on (hah!)
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Haha….well thank God at least she didn’t approach any baba for rescue…!
But u never know….
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Tanushree, she’ll sooner turn me into a raven-hair nail-rubbing baba.
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Hahaha…now that was epic!
Don’t worry… u will survive it…coz there is no escape! 😉 wives are the ruling class in this global village! The dictator that can never be demolished!
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Says a dictator-to-be I suppose. I have one question – where’s the Hogwarts that trains these magical beings? I think that being a man automatically disqualifies you from finding its true location – right?
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Absolutely! That’s a secret! Moguls can’t see it u know 😉
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I knew it! Such finesse can’t be acquired without the right education.
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😎 Oh yeah!
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Anand, you should know that there’s only one opinion that actually counts when it comes to your looks and that is wifey’s. We don’t even know what you really look like. You could even be Anandhotep trying to lead us to believe you are this distinguished handsome gentleman and we would never know. Now eat your scrambled eggs and do as you’re told!
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Imagine a combination of Tom Cruise and Bruce Willis 😀 I ate the scrambled eggs as directed by all of you, and I didn’t complain – at all.
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Anand Cruise-Willis. Got it!
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Yes, I’m sure that’s exactly what you look like 😛
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Liked the way you coined the combination beauty-sheauty hai bakwaas. Being a foodie clicked on the mooli paranthe link quickly but its not working.
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Thanks. Corrected it, but I am not sure if it’s the best recipe out there. Those parantha pictures haven’t really made me drool.
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LOL….love you story! I agree with Meg & Oneta…be thankful that Wifey has allowed you another breakfast! 😀
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Found your comment and understood why it landed in spam. You too, Rashmi? I wrote that story for you…nobody in this whole wide world could convince me to write a thirteen-word story!
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I achieved the impossible task of convincing you to do a 13 word story, yet I land in spam!! Kya zamana aagaya!
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Wow Muli ke parntha 😦 bad day for you buddy 😦 Sympathies ..But you should learn to zip your tongue on such days 😉
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Learning…learning. Every day I learn something – the problem is that every evening I forget what I learned during the day.
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Ha ha 😀 Now you should start having almonds to enhance your memory 😉
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Another sign of aging. Sigh! I hope she doesn’t read this. I don’t like soaked almonds!
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Now that you have talked about taste I think with increasing age you should control your taste buds and focus on appropriate nutrients 😛
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Now you make me sound like I’m a septuagenarian. And about those mooli ke paranthe…remember that Punjabis own their longevity to this particular delicacy.
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I like cheesy scrambled eggs. That’s a treat IMO. Lucky you didn’t get only burnt toast 😛
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No cheese – scrambled eggs and overdone toasts, roasted not just in the heat of the toaster but in the fire that the dragon breathed!
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I’m telling you, you need to shave your head! I started losing my hair at a young age, and after much procrastination I finally shaved it all off. It really is better than trying to desperately hold on to every last strand of hair. Besides, it’s a bold look that communicates confidence.
But most importantly, if you shave your head you’ll be *almost* as beautiful as me!
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I’m in something of a similar situation (apart for the bit about my wife saying, “You’re so handsome!”) I don’t want to go bald because I don’t think I’d suit it. I also don’t want to dye my hair. I feel like I’ve earned my small but growing collection of grey hairs, so why should I hide them?
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I agree with you, Bun, a hundred and one percent! We’ve earned it – and honestly, coloring my hair might actually render me less desirable.
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Yep, let’s flaunt our maturity! 🙂
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You are better off since yours are gray, mine are white (some). I color them, but i still hear from wifey sometimes 🙂
I guess they have to say that anyway, in their genes!
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Wifey says that you are right and that I should listen to you, so I guess I must – ghar ki shanti is more important than man ki shanti! (Peace at home is more important than your peace of mind.)
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I am very much Hindi guy…so understand that!
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You do, but another commenter might not. And I won’t have them thinking that Indians are impolite 😀 And we should remember Sabka saath sabka vikas! (When people come together, everyone develops – in this case, they develop their knowledge of Hindi.)
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Why is it that men with gray hairs are ‘distinguished’? If we try to get away with it, either someone says “your roots are showing a bit, aren’t they?” or “are you letting your hair go natural now?” Or better yet, (and this is a direct quote from a college friend when I was 28), “You got gray hair!” Ugh.
Hubby’s hair is getting that salt and pepper look, and it’s not bad – I just wish he wouldn’t cut it so short – it’s natural state is thick and curly. (Must be the Italian side.)
Oh well, we all want what we ain’t got, it seems!
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It’s called ambition and it keeps us going…wanting stuff we don’t have then when we get it, wanting something different. If we were satisfied, we’d sit in a place so long, we’d turn to stone 😀 And if we stopped commenting on the grays of others, what would happen to our own self-esteem? Points to ponder…
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Oh…about the difference in perception – I guess most women color their hair and do things to look better, so if one woman doesn’t, she’s called names (sort of) – it’s a game of numbers. Majority dictates the rules 😀
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Both Anandhotep and I am happy to have you aboard this rickety ship put together with the glue called quirky snarky malarkey!
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