Who says that only scientists can be mad. Nobody, hear, nobody can be madder than an Indian artist-programmer being pulled by his mom on one side and his wife on the other. Is it any wonder then that he has developed a split personality?
I am so tired of this dual existence, that on January 1st, when I should’ve been making my New Year Resolutions, I was flat out – dead to the world. Even my resolution-making got postponed! But I’ll gibber and gabber later. Here’s my list.
My Resolutions for the Year 2016.
1. I will not wiggle my nose and try to sniff out the reason why Mom and wifey are at each-other’s throats. If I am able to keep this resolution, it itself will save me countless hours of painful mediation that usually fails.
2. I will not attempt to play the good samaritan to my tipsy uncles and tipsier dad, and mix drinks for them. Being a teetotaler has left me ignorant of the nuance of fermented alcoholic beverages, and keeping away from such benevolent acts will save me from being the butt of their unsavory jokes.
3. I will not write to long-time friends and ask them to read The QSM Magazine, because they assume that this free online humor magazine is raking in millions. They cluck their tongues enviously and tell me, “tu to saale, note tod raha hoga!” (You bugger, you must be reaping millions!”) It feels terrible; it makes me feel stupid. The image of Anandhotep running after his dreams with his bandages unravelling leaving him exposed, explodes in my mind and I tell myself that real-friends don’t say hurtful things. Especially when they know that I work really hard to pay my rent and can’t afford to even replace my old-worn car that I bought when times were better.
4. I will continue to publish the QSM Magazine, come what may, because it spreads smiles and laughter. I don’t care if Anandhotep continues to boss me around; I don’t care if I have to spend all my after-work hours toiling to get it out in time; and honestly, I don’t care if Mom, wifey, and even the dog think that my brain must be fried to believe that the QSM Magazine is the coolest humor magazine out there! I do, and so I resolve to find the best and funniest authors for it and publish it through 2016!
5. Before my blogging friends join forces with wifey and Mom and decide to boycott me, I will get my blogging act together. In 2016, I resolve to get out more – in the virtual world. Except for the three weeks when Anandhotep ties me to my desk and makes me work on the magazine, I will be there for you, my blogging friends!
So that’s that, friends. My five resolutions for the New Year.
Wishing you all a very Happy New Year!
Anand's Parodies & Caricatures. 
Hmmm….I’m in awe of the wifey (really like the way you say wifey instead of wife, haven’t heard that term from anyone else!) for putting up with you and Anandhotep 😛
And the mummji for her satirical comments 😉
So even though you beat me to the resolutions list (I was planning on a list of my resolutions for my Top 10 feature) I shall admit that your list was pretty cool and that it brought a smile to my face! 😀
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Thank you, ji. Don’t tell her, but I too admire her courage. Putting up with me and Anandhotep is a cakewalk compared to putting up with Mom, especially for her. While Mom is a canister of acid, she usually keeps a lid on it while talking to outsiders. I have a feeling that I know why everyone in our family suffers from acidity. Go ahead with your top-ten; I am sure your list will be smarmier!
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Glad to see QSM is high on your list of priorities for the year. I like your system – you write and I’ll read. Happy 2016 to you and the people in your life and may you be pleased with successful meeting your goals.
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Yes Oneta, it is. The QSM Magazine is a dream-ship on choppy waters – and I am the captain. I won’t leave it and run – not until I am hit on my head with a bat and rendered unconscious, which actually isn’t all that improbable. Thank you for your new year wishes – may the year be bright for you too 😀
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Wish you all the best with your New Year resolutions Anand. Sometimes I wonder why men tend to think that women in their homes relish brain fries. Also why most men love to play the poor rope that gets pulled in the tug of war between wifey and mom. 🙂
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Thanks Somali, I need it. Love to play?! Our love for both the sides transforms us into a ping-pong ball that gets hit all the time. I guess it’s because neither wifey nor Mom is willing to become join-owners of the guy in question. BTW, a certain lady never got around to reviewing your book, and I almost got hit on the head with a pan for taking your side – and I am not exaggerating. Not one bit.
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Ah! Ping pong ball! Not bad for those who pass on to others what they could do themselves. :D:D
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I missed it completely, so I’ll assume the barb was for them and not for me – 😀
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How convenient ! 😀 😀
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Happy New Year:) Great to see that QSM issues are made it onto your resolution list. I’ve read the first copy, and while the political articles were over my head, I loved the rest of it:) Will play eye-spy for something starting with the letter A and unravelling bandages this year:)
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Thanks Leenna. To you too. That’s why a magazine is for everyone – because it has something for everyone. Thank you for reading – if you followed Anandhotep long enough, you’ll surely catch him with his bandages down.
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🙂
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If you stop publishing QSM, I will come after you with a hatchet and add to your wiggly nose along with wifey and Mamaji. Any attempt to deprive us of our laughter shall be thoroughly reprimanded. Ha! Your friends should know that most of us in the writing, drawing and artistry fora are poor artists and not yet raking in millions. The millions will come soon my friend 😉
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A hatchet-wielding lady rushing after a bandaged mummy trying to lop his head off? I love the image you paint. I don’t know about millions, but I know that a thousand happy faces are worth a lot more and will leave me happier.
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True that. A thousand happy faces are worth so much.
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I am so glad to read that you will publish QSM no matter what. And, I stand by you in not writing to friends anymore. You shouldn’t have to do that. Yours readers promise to spread the word. 🙂 Although I do hope their words come true and QSM becomes a profitable venture real quick. But before that make it monthly, please!!!
After reading your list, I am inspired to write one of my own. I think point no. 1 would be to stop fretting over not receiving my last salary and also to stop continuously begging the jerk of an ex-boss/owner to expedite it. That reminds me…off to send him another reminder mail. There, resolution already broken too. You take care!
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Thank you Piyusha. Yes, that’s a resolution I intend to keep. I hadn’t emailed them about the first two issues, but then I thought why not tell them about it. Then there was this call.
Crappy bosses deserve a scathing post – don’t they? Write about him…I am sure you can change the whole ordeal into a humorous article – but try to get your salary first, or he might find another reason to withhold it.
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Funny how friends who know about your writing and publishing seem to fall into one of two categories: the ones who feel like you must be making a fortune and the ones who think you are totally wasting your time. (I have more of the latter, in the real world at least). Don’t give up! We will all wait eagerly for QSM magazine! Just think about the great material you’ll have to write about in 2016! The American race for the presidency for example!
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My family falls in the latter. They think that I’ve been possessed by the soul of a good-for-nothing jester and that QSM makes me neglect my familial responsibilities. My friends can’t think of me as mad enough to work on a non-billable non-profitable venture, and because I am working on QSM – it must be making money.
It’s a crazy world! But I am crazier and the QSM Magazine is here to stay. As Piyusha said, the readers will decide its fortune.
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Right, why you do anything for pure pleasure? It must be profitable! (She said while rolling her eyes) I like that Piyusha!
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Yes. But then quirky is what quirky does. (That Piyusha has huge pot of creativity brewing upon her shoulders.)
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All the very best, I sincerely hope you fulfill all your resolutions specially about publishing the QSM Magazine. Your resolutions are very realistic and practical and have high number of chance of getting fulfilled.
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Thank you Megha. I must make a post on the golgappas that wifey made using your recipe…soon – soon!
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Anand, 1. Happy new year to you and wifey, and families. 2. Just read the 3rd QSM Magazine. Thank you- loads of fun as always. Oh, and thank you for your kind inclusion of my comment-so sweet. Keep smiling!
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Thank you Jacky and I am truly glad you enjoyed the magazine. The Dress Circle all about the readers, and it was a pleasure to include your kind words.
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These sound like good resolutions to me. They are somehow both more imaginative yet more practical than mine, which usually revolve around doughnuts.
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Doughnuts appear to be an interesting subject for engineering your new year resolutions around. I must read them!
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My resolutions are mostly a long list of doughnut types and the words “don’t eat”!
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Good list 👍👍
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HAHAHAHA!
HAHHAA!
HAHAHAHA!
I will never ever boycott you, Anand! I can’t help but laugh! HAha!
Good luck!
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Thank you for your support Rosema. Laughter is what keeps us going…so keep going 😀
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Yes. That’s true! 😀 Keep doing what you do. 😀
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Hi Anand, I am huge fan of Seth Godin and in response to your comments in resolutions 3 & 4 – I would like to quote from his book, What to do when it’s your turn (its always your turn), “Either you’re the creator or you’re the audience. Either you’re waiting your turn or you’re taking your turn”. You my friend are most definitely a creator and you are taking your turn. I hope that you won’t ever be sidetracked from the simple fact you are doing work that matters.
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Thank you! It makes me feel better and more confident.
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Discovered your blog today after you liked a comment of mine on a blog. And my interest is peaked…:)
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Welcome here. I hope you’ll get a few laughs out of my malarkey 😀
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Anand, Wish you the best with your New year resolutions. I am sure the blogging community wouldn’t boycott your for not posting your blogs often 🙂 Your QSM magazine is amazing and you got great talent. I wish that your magazine will bring you revenue soon. Good luck, once again.
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They might boycott me for not visiting their blogs though. Aap to hamare ghar aate nahi! (You don’t visit us ever!) Thank you for your good wishes. I have no idea how and when it would earn its first rupee, but the QSM Magazine has my heart beating it in – and so I will continue to publish it as long as I can 😀
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