There was time when Aamir Khan and Salman Khan both struggled hard to become Anand, but they fell short of the exacting standards of my persona. I don’t talk about it because people often snicker behind my back when I do. They call me fenku (boastful) and fattebaaz (someone with a quiver full of boasts.) But none of what I just said is a lie. You’ll soon see why.
A decade ago, when the grays hadn’t begun to arrive and when lovely ladies threw me those wistful glances; when I was single but wary of thoughtless mingling; I fell hook line and sinker for a dusky doe-eyed damsel who at that time couldn’t be bothered with romantic trivialities.
A friend came to my rescue. He was a student of marketing who believed that he could teach Philip Kotler, a trick or two. I was then a simple techie who couldn’t sell a bottle of water to a dying-of-thirst millionaire. So when he proposed that he’d sell me to the woman of my dreams, I readily hired him for the job.
From that day, he became my manager. He’d meet her, talk to her, and sell me to her. According to my friend, my USP was that I was better-looking than Aamir khan and Salman khan combined. I tried imagining every which combination of the duo and yet, I couldn’t figure out how it could’ve been my USP. Not until I realized that my dream girl’s dream boy was a Sallu-Aamir hybrid.
When one of the lovely ladies who happened to be good friend of mine, came to know of this marketing ruse, she guffawed dazzling me with her lipstick smeared pearly whites. “He’s underselling you. They aren’t half a cute as you are!”
The point is that her point didn’t matter. When I finally got sold, and I still don’t know if I should thank my friend’s marketing campaign for it, and celebrated the first ten years of our marriage last year, I asked her about Salman and Aamir.
“They couldn’t hold a candle to you,” she said.
I couldn’t believe my ears. So it was true. The lovely ladies were right! My friend was right!! Mrs. Khanna from Mom’s kitty party was right!!!
“Really,” I asked, hoping that she’d repeat what she had just said, or even embellish it some more.
“Tu Tedha hai per Mera hai!“(You may be a little crooked in places, but you are mine!) she said before getting up and switching on the TV for the Saturday episode of Bigg Boss 8! I sat there crestfallen as Salman Khan filled the screen.
And yet, there was a moment when I was better than Salman and Aamir. I’ll live with that.
If you haven’t yet met Salman Khan, here he is:
Anand's Parodies & Caricatures. 
Now that was indeed a great piece 😉 I would like a caricature of your’s showcasing us the combo of sallu and aamir 😉 and for decade 😀 congratulations 🙂 and that dialogue …”tedha hai par mera hai” is so often used by ladies to show there husband that they may be imperfect (focus on imperfect here 😛 ) but they are their sole property 😉
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Honestly…I always felt a little insulted when the Aamir comparison used to come up, but Salman is a different matter. About the “tedha” bit, I know you are right. She likes to play down my virtues and focus on my shortcomings instead. I wonder why?
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ha ha 😀 now it’s other way around 😀 The kind off movies salman do and upon that the controversies that surround him 😛 I don’t think you like to be compared with him 😉 And on that thought I think your wifey’s fav movie must be ..Andaz apna-2 😉 as it has both the heroes with your quirky humor as story line 😛 ..for focusing on shortcomings..don’t worry that’s a way women love their men 😉 atleast in India 😛
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I think Salman has done his share of mistakes, and yet, as a person he appears a lot more honest and direct than Aamir does. Wifey doesn’t care which movie, as long as her Salman is in it 😀
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Yes that seems to be 😛 rest we don’t know 😉 b/w i full sympathy with you for watching all salman movies 😛
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I’m going to do my best to hide your comment from wifey.
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Ha ha 😀 she knows it in her heart 😉 your hiding won’t do any good 😛
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She’s on my side, she’s on wifey’s; she’s on my side, she’s…
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😛 I am good at changing sides 😉 as per my convenience 😛
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OK Ms. Joshi. I’ll be careful around you 😀
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ha ha 😀
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I’m actually thinking what I should write after reading such a funny post. I don’t know if funny is the right word. All I know I truly enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work.
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Thank you. I have an idea. Write about a woman’s viewpoint on courtship and subsequent placating of an attention-hungry partner 😀
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What a nice, witty, funny salute to a fabulous “dusky, doe-eyed, damsel,” upon ten years of marriage. Congratulations. I bet she likes this better than a “Glad you’re mine, Valentine,” that Salman Khan would have said.
.
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Ah well. Oneta, do you remember how much I’ve come to depend on that dusky, doe-eyed damsel? Can I even dare to annoy her? What about my lifeline – the cardamom tea?
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Congratulations on celebrating 10 years of marriage! I too would like to see a caricature of the 2 Khans combination! You must have been a shy young man to feel the need for a marketing specialist, but I bet you really didn’t need him at all! Very sweet post!
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Thank you, Meg. Now eleven. The marketing specialist sold me on the idea of using him to market myself, and I confess, I used to get a tad tongue-tied in her presence – but even if my meddling friend had kept away, I’d have managed…or so I like to think.
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So the marketing specialist did a great job… Of marketing himself! 😄
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That is the true mark of a marketing genius!
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Just lovely and witty and funny 😉
Turtle Hugs
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Thank you, thank you 😀
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Loved your post! Your love for your wife shines through here. Congratulations on being married for eleven years — may marriage bring much joy for the rest of your life!
If I had to choose between Aamir or Salman, I would go with Aamir. I find him to be passionate, honest, compassionate (does a lot of charity, truly believes in the betterment of India, despite what his haters seize upon to promote their own brand of hate), is intelligent and … adorable. Salman might look handsome, and is probably quite a nice guy, but I’m afraid that he hides behind his own image, and his running away from the scene of an accident is the work of a coward.
Still, both are handsome and adorable on screen, no matter what they are in real life.
So, you’re a combination of both, huh?
Hmmm …
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Thanks 😀 I hope that some day her love for me too would shine through my posts. The chances are bleak though. December is going to change our house into a railway platform (two weddings in the extended family) and out-of-town relatives don’t think twice before appearing at a long-forgotten nephew’s or cousin’s door-steps. For a while, wifey’s expressions would be alternating between a honey-sweet bahu and a snarling tigress.
IMHO, Salman is a simpler guy than Aamir. I’d any day trust an emotional guy than a calculating one…and I for one cannot get over how a man can marry his wife’s friend.
But truthfully, looks aside, I’m Anand. Remember…the exacting standards they both fell short of?
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Haha!! 😀
That was a good read. Cracked me up in morning..!! I love your sense of humour. I would even say traces of Salman’s humour – only better! 🙂
Look forward to reading more, Anand.
Take care.
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Thank you, Visakha. I fear that my humor is soon going to turn dark. Mom, dad, and a zillion (ok…not a zillion but a dozen) relatives will be here for the next two weeks – and in midst of it all, I must bring out the third issue of The QSM Magazine. (Do subscribe if you haven’t already.)
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Will do immediately! 🙂
P.s. I like dark humour! So that won’t be an issue. *grin*
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I know that women from the exotic south keep their word 😀
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What a great story! I must admit I’m also a little envious of your ability to finish off a great piece of writing with a fantastic caricature. It’s like a magician reaching into his hat and pulling out a giraffe.
I wish I’d had a friend to sell me to my wife. I had to do it the hard way through bribery — paying for meals in restaurants, buying the tickets whenever we went out anywhere and having to think of ever more extravagant ways to describe whatever outfit she happened to be wearing that day. It was a lot of work. I’m happy it worked out in the end, though.
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I had to do some of that too. I am still not sure what worked. My friend’s sales-pitch for me or my own efforts. So did you describe her outfits before or after she used the query-string? Wifey’s query string used to be, “How am I looking?” and I was expected to reply after some serious contemplation…at the very least, after looking at her. It took me a while to learn the steps.
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Yes, it was the same way with me. There would be some sort of question which I was then expected to answer appropriately, but not in precisely the same form of words I’d used on any of the other 5,473 times I’d been asked in the past.
The really tricky point, though, was that the enquiry was not always verbal. Sometimes it was just a questioning glance that I was supposed to pick up on. Being a typical man, I don’t usually recognize female hints unless they are accompanied by a Mexican mariachi band, so I had rather a steep learning curve.
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Variations are the key to maintaining interest 😀 I completely get your point about the non-verbal enquiries. Sometimes you miss them entirely. Oh, I still miss them – but I’ve got a catch-all that misfires sometimes – whenever we leave the house and I notice, I tell her that she’s looking nice.
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That’s a good idea. I should try it. I wonder if she’ll believe me. I have a feeling she may just narrow her eyes and try to work out what I could be after.
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She’ll get used to it 😀
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