The Presidential-hopefuls, the media, and the American Public have been asking questions. Among the many questions that’ve been doing rounds, the following seven must be answered frankly and unequivocally, before America decides.
Question 1: If straight people turn gay in prisons, what happens to the gays?
It’s expected that Dr. Ben Carson will soon publish an award-winning paper on this important topic. I have a feeling that the LGBT community is looking for answers. Some intolerant, misguided parents have been trying to send their gay kids to prison, hoping that the prison will straighten them out.
“Dr. Carson, you owe those parents an answer. You must publish a paper on the topic to clear the air, because the LGBT community too is awaiting your answer.”
Question 2: Why is a particular wacko bird so proud?
After a world-wide search for his roots, Ted Cruz finally discovered his true identity. He learned that he is a proud wacko bird. As wacko birds are usually social-misfits who keep stepping upon their own tail, Cruz needs to answer why he isn’t like those others and what makes him feel proud of his feathery-wackiness.
In a different news, elsewhere on the planet, some wacko birds have organized a protest march against Cruz’s admission. “He isn’t one of us. We’ve been considering if a case of identity-theft can be brought against him.”
Question 3: Who has been calling himself Mahatma Gandhi and running a Gas Station down in St. Louis?
Mrs. Hillary Clinton must answer this important question, because not only America, but India too demands an answer. The Indian Government has put together a committee of retired bureaucrats to review the biography of Mahatma Gandhi and see if her claim holds water. Mrs. Clinton should remember that as a democrat she must win the hearts of the non-whites, and she can ill-afford to incur the wrath of American Indians, the richest ethnic group in the United states.
Question 4: How does a squirrel-frying experience help one run a country?
Mr. Mike Huckabee must tell the American public how his unique experience of frying squirrels in a popcorn-popper can help the American people. His ability to think of an alternate use of an equipment could perhaps help him cut some government expenditure.
Upon his assuming office, the White House Cooks could innovate and come up with several new squirrel-recipes, catch ’em in the White House lawns, and save the exchequer $$$s that can then be diverted to a certain Ms. Keely Mullen, so that she may figure out how it can help her make higher education free for everyone.
Question 5: Why must a man and his mom be ashamed of his love for weed?
“Mr. Bush, you tried marijuana and you loved it. Big deal. At least once and usually twice a year, about half of India’s population enjoys bhang (our desi, supremely delicious marijuana drink,) and they do it with a sense of pride and honor. Please explain why your mom would be ashamed of you, if she knew that you got high on some weed? Did you take your dog for a walk, buck-naked (not the dog)? Did you kiss a man (that could impact your conservative vote?) America wants answers!”
Question 6: We get it. Corporations and Businesses don’t create jobs. But then who creates them?
“Mrs. Clinton, America deserves to know the answer to this important question. You must tell them so that they can vote-in the job-creators and get rid of the Corporations and Businesses. Take a deep breath and blurt it out!”
Once Mrs. Clinton provides this important information to the United States, it must be shared with India too. They wouldn’t have thought of asking this question, if it wasn’t for Anand, an Indian who had once refused an offer to join Scorpion – Walter O’Brien’s team of high-IQ individuals.
Question 7: Who is responsible for Trump’s awwwwwwssommmme hair-style?
“Mr. Trump, if you could only whisper his name in Mr. Fallon’s ears. If he were apprehended and sent to the Guatanamo bay, and if you found yourself a new stylist with a mind of her own, I am confident that America will vote you in. Nobody, I repeat, nobody wants a President who’s hair cannot withstand a little puff of air.”
Do you have questions too? For these and the teeming, groaning, masses in the 2016 Presidential race? Ask those questions now. In its next issue, The QSM Magazine will publish the best questions with your blog-address, so that they can send their answers directly to you.
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