“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”
– Euripides
His insightful observation on relatives, one that he made 2500 years ago, tells us that in all these centuries, relatives haven’t evolved one bit.
Euripides, I read, was a writer of plays, mainly of tragedies. In my modern opinion, a man who boasted of an experience of comparing ten thousand relatives with one loyal friend, would automatically begin to specialize in tragedies. After all, his life would have been one big tragedy.
Twice every year a North-Indian man has to meet his relatives. Come hail or high water, he must brave the hail and swim the high-waters to meet his relatives on Diwali and Holi. Following are the tasks that must be checked off on his to-do list, on each of these festivals.
- Buy a dozen boxes of sweets or dried fruits (almonds, pistachios, cashews etc.,)
- Refresh the list of the names of all his newborn relatives (If seven of your dad’s eleven siblings live in the same city as you do, this list grows at an alarming rate.)
- Draw up a mental roadmap connecting the dots that are his relatives’ houses. (The prioritization is often done on the basis of a relative’s seniority in the family. For instance, you must first visit the Taya Jis (Dad’s elder brothers) and then the Chacha Jis (Dad’s younger brothers).)
- He must visit each of their houses with his own little family in tow. (For the writer of this post, it’s two-third of his family, as canine-family-members aren’t welcome in his relatives’ houses.)
And yet, when we return, with barely enough energy to drag ourselves up the steps that lead to our main door, we are epitomes of such tragic expression that Euripides would have loved to cast us in one of his tragedies.
Why?
Snappy snapshots will help you see the picture.
At my Aunt’s:
“Beta (son), now it’s time to have kids.”
“Bua Ji, we will.”
“When beta? is there a problem? I know a Guru ji who can help. You can tell me, beta. You need not hide anything from your Aunt. I’ve seen you in diapers, beta.”
At my Uncle’s:
“Oye puttar, hun navi car le le. (Son, you must now buy a new car.) You’ve been driving that bucket of bolts for what, some 8 years now!”
“Taya ji, I will – the budget is a little tight this year.”
“Oho, look at your cousin (he points to his son,) he is on his third car in just 5 years!”
Then his wife, my Tayi ji, pips in.
“And why isn’t your wife wearing jewelry, puttar? Naked wrists don’t look good.”
At my other Uncle’s:
“Are you still staying on rent? Buy a house now.”
“Chacha Ji, I can’t right now, but yes it’s on the cards.”
“Oho, look at Pinki (he points to his daughter,) her husband has bought an apartment in Gurgaon. It cost him 1.2 Crores ($200K)!
Then he lowers his voice and says, “You are earning well, aren’t you?”
- Twice every year we go through the same harrowing experience, for no reason at all!
- Twice every year we leave our houses filled with trepidation that we stifle with the hope that this year things would be different!
- Twice every year we return from our journey, exhausted, tired, and drained!
2500 years ago Euripides too must have gone through a similar experience, or what would make him proclaim that
“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”
Translations:
Bua Ji: Dad’s sister.
Taya Ji: Dad’s elder brother.
Tayi Ji: Dad’s elder brother’s wife.
Chacha Ji: Dad’s younger brother.
Guru Ji: A self-proclaimed godman.
LOL 😀
”
“When beta? is there a problem? I know a Guru ji who can help. You can tell me, beta. You need not hide anything from your Aunt. I’ve seen you in diapers, beta.””
Now she wants to see your baby in diapers, so eager LOL 😀
Perfect article 🙂
Love and light ❤
Anand
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Thanks, Vibrant 😀
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😀 😀 😀
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I feel your pain! (Alas, it made me smile, but I DID feel your pain!)
You are a very talented humorist!
My message to you and your wife: RESIST THE RELATIVES with all your might (bunch of meddlers)!
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Thank you, fellow acher! We’ve tried resisting – but then the accusatory phone calls start streaming in. “Beta, you’ve forgotten your bua/chacha/chachi?” Diwali is round the corner and I have started waking at odd hours in the night – covered in cold-sweat, shouting “No…leave me alone! I don’t want to go there!”
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You’re trapped well and proper!
Ah well, use it to make art and create humor — we do what we must.
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It helps me let the steam out – lest it turns me soggy.
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Hahahaha! I quite enjoy your goofiness!
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As I said somewhere in the QSM Magazine, we love to laugh at the split in someone else’s knickers – in QSM and on this blog, those knickers are always mine 😀
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No, the joke’s on THEM! Your attitude is perfect.
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Thanks. It’s nice to learn that my knickers are in good repair.
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Just read your conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Goyal, and many pages of your QSM magazine. My daughter and husband laughed when I read it all aloud. Daughter says, “I love the magazine. Any more? I love the way he says, “wifey!”
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Thank you Vijaya. I don’t know what to say, except that I am so grateful to you that you read it aloud to your family and multiplied my happiness by 3. It’s a bimonthly – so the next issue will be out in October end. If you subscribe, I’ll send you a pdf copy when it’s published.
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Okay, sounds good! Thanks!
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Okay, now I won’t jam up your page with all these comments — hope the festival season treats you well. Goodnight (here in the US of A) and Good morning (out there in India!)
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Yes – 7:50 AM. Goodnight and sleep well. And in the spirit of Indian-ness: You are always welcome. Think of my blog as your blog 😀
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Hahahaha!
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So funny. Great post!
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Thank you Johanna. So, do they exist in your part of the world too – relatives, I mean.
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Indeed they do.
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Wow..I have 10 sisters and brothers I’m trying to deal with..lol
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Prepare yourself for a nice and happy “tubbar” (A tubbar is a gigantic family, in Punjabi.) A geometric progression is something you must familiarize yourself. It helps to get organized early.
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Definitely organization:)
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Best to be prepared, I say.
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This we-are-your-relatives-so-we-have-uncontrollable-urge-to-meddle attitude has to go man! I dunno if it’s good to have someone who has your back, but I guess too much is too much!
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I assure you, my relative don’t have my back (sometimes I think they’d rather have the hide off my back.) But it feels good to know that you understand my misery.
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Well Anand , two of my younger siblings have just got married suddenly promoting me to the other side and believe me, I am waiting for this Deepawali like never before ! Ah ! Sweet vengeance 😀
Jokes apart , its a serious issue which at times become too meddlesome and can be dealt with patience only. And being on both sides of the line believe me (again) , its lonely on the other side where there is no one to nose around ! Well written .
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Kokila, welcome here. You’ve got some great points there, especially the one about vengeance. The only problem is you can’t get back to those who get to you – they are your elders after all. The game of one-upmanship…it goes on and on…until the bucket of your patience develops a leak 😦
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ROFL!!!!
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Of course. It’s clear which side you are on…
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They never stop, do they?
I get daily (okay, almost daily) calls from some aunt or other telling me that there’s this awesome guy and I should get married to him. For you, it’s having kids and stuff. After you have kids, they will go on about how dumb your kids are and how smart their grandkids are, and how yours are wasting their lives. The vicious cycle goes on and on and on…
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Ananya, you are so right. This is precisely why I am not giving in to their demands. They are unstoppable, unbreakable, invincible. Wifey says I am a simpleton so they bulldoze me – I think I am smart so they envy me. We haven’t come to a conclusion yet.
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Either way, it’s unlikely that would ever stop (I have given up hopes), so better to consider yourself the smart one and let them jabber. 😉
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Sensible suggestion – one that I will implement this Diwali.
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I have a big family too, but thank the Lord that no one is that loud, at least up front. 😛
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It’s clear your family needs some Punjabi tadka. Your family must quickly acquire a punjabi daughter-in-law or son-in-law. Then watch the decibel levels rise 😀
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Well, I had always wanted to be part of a punjabi family. But, with your reminder, no thanks, I will pass. 😛
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Please don’t hold it against all Punjabis – some of us are really quiet. For instance, our ex-PM Manmohan Singh Ji. Take your chances.
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What an example, Sir ji! 😛
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I’ve been laughing out loud at your posts! Have you read “White Teeth”? The family is Bangledeshi, but the vividness and humor about culture has some similarities.
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Hi Amanda welcome to my topsy-turvy world. Before 1947, Bangladesh was India – so our cultures would be similar if not same. I’ll check out “white teeth”(Reminds me of wifey’s insistence on brushing my teeth in the nights too, despite my telling her the genetics of my teeth will prevent them from falling out until I turn 75!)
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Your wit and humor is contagious! I am from a big family, too and it’s really costly to be in a huge clan. 😀
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Agreed. Costly in more ways than one. You’ve got to pay not just from your wallet but also with your peace of mind. Just got off a call with Chacha Ji (Dad’s younger brother.)
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That’s so true! Whenever we have reunions, it’s chaotic, in a good way though. 😀
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Rosema, your relatives triumph over mine in goodness.
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😀
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Would you pay the same for two more?
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Maybe. 😀
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Sorry…I replied incorrectly. It was meant for Jacqueline. Jacqueline is buying a couple of my meddlesome relative from me…are you interested in buying a few too?
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That’s why I felt a bit clueless? Haha!
Maybe.. not? 😀
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Go ahead. Two for $1.50. Not a bad deal. Everything remains the same, but you go visit them on festivals.
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😀
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He he….have any of your relatives read this post?
Btw did you bother to check the credentials of the Guru ji who can help ? 😀 😀
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Somali, that’s the reason why my avatar doesn’t have my mugshot. If they ever get to me, I’ll deny that I am the one behind this malarkey. About Guruji, the lesser said the better.
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This is so rollicking good 🙂 Family is simply priceless.
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Jacqueline, do you have a price in mind? Auctioning off half of them could be a really good idea.
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We could start at rock-bottom prices. That way they will be bought very quickly :):):) Your relatives will kill me.
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Let us start at $0.99. What’s your bid?
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$1.00 and that’s the best I can offer 🙂 Besides, I might go up to $1.50 for two :):)
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Sold!
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Hahaha. I loved this!
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Glad they made you laugh, perhaps their only positive contribution to my life.
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Hahahah!
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Always good for a laugh Anand! And once you have your first child, they will be pestering about producing siblings (personal experience). Enjoy!
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The more they get the greedier they become…right?
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Yes! And then all of the wonderful things your children learn will somehow magically stem from the time they spend with them ‘Oh, I taught her that’. It’s amazing really ☺
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Wait a minute! Are you siding with my relatives here?
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Just a friendly forewarning 😉😊
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You are honest to a fault…really 😀 First my readers side with wifey – that I could take, now you side with my relatives?!!! How can you do that to me?!
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Haha Anand! It must make you wonder if you will ever be free of the shackles? 😂😃😆
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It’s the Stockholm Syndrome. When you stop considering shackles as shackles and starting imagining them as bonds of love, you become free – at least in your mind. I am waiting for that moment when I lose my reason – I’ll then be at peace with myself and my shackles.
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It reminds me of the first time my relatives and I clashed. I was in high school and we visited them. It was the late 1960s, early 1970s, and I was wearing jeans, a leotard, and a scarf belt. My dad’s sister said “you look like a hippie.” The other said ‘You’ll never get a husband that way,” My answer (fortunately or not) was “I’m not going to get married, I’m just going to live with somebody.” Last time they asked.
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Relatives must be a different species altogether. The moment you look or do something even a little different from what their kids are doing, their rel-chromosome springs into action…
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