And now you can get your veggies chopped online –

Wifey’s happy these days or so she’d have me believe. Spending a fiver to get a potato peeled and chopped keeps her smiling, so be it – I will let my credit-card be swiped twice a day, until the funds last.

It all began when she saw the ad of in the newspaper. Another venture-capital funded startup that you may not have heard of, it’s the newest kid on the block, you see. takes the concept of shopping-from-the-comfort-of-your-home ahead by leap years.

This is how this particular dot com works. They’ve got this neat little app (so says wifey,) that you can use to book your chopper. Don’t confuse this chopper with the whirring-shirring kind of flying machine, instead this is a virtual entity that promises to manage the whole chopping thing for you. For this you fill up a form by supplying your address, convenient pick-up and delivery times, the type of veggies to be chopped, approximate quantity, and of course, your credit card number. If you want to pay Cash-on-Delivery, you are welcome to do that too but wifey follow no-cash-at-home policy, so it’s the credit card for us.

She showed me the ad. A good-looking youngish chap with a boyish grin and a bunch of muscles rippling underneath a tight white shirt, smiled at me from the spread of the newspaper. He looked as fresh as the tomatoes and the peppers that were displayed on his chopping board. If you’ve seen my picture (yes, the self-portrait in the sidebar) you know that I have an upper-torso that can compete with most men half my age – and yet I felt a little…envious of this hunk who I can bet had never chopped anything in his life, with the possible exception of his finger-nails!

I knew that these minor observations won’t matter – the wife had already made up her mind. My approval was a mere formality now.

‘”Chop your veggies not your fingers,”, your own online vegetable-chopper!’ she intoned. Actually, she was reading off their advertising copy.

I wondered how much they’d charge for this service.

“And I’ve checked their website too. It’s Rs. 5 per veggie,” she said.

“For a kilo?”

“Get serious. It’s for “one vegetable,” she said. Obviously the import of vegetable being an uncountable noun was lost on her.

I must’ve looked totally lost, because she ventured to explain, “a fiver for one potato, or one tomato, or even one pumpkin….see? Size doesn’t matter. If I get kaddus (pumpkins) and the laukis (a cousin of zucchini) peeled and chopped by them, I get real value for money. I save so much!”

Only a woman can think that she saves by finding a new way of spending money, but you don’t make such remarks – especially if you value you peace of mind and harmony in the household (Indian men will relate to “ghar ki shanti”.) But I couldn’t resist putting up my most innocent face and asking, “And beans? You always say that chopping them drives you crazy.”

“Beans aren’t counted, they are weighed,” she said. That explained it. These guys were thorough.

So that ended our one-sided discussion. Now, as I said at the beginning, wifey is happy, is happy, my banker is happy – everyone’s happy…and that my friends, is the sum of my happiness minus the balance in my bank-account.

About Anand

Parodist, Humorist, Caricaturist, Nerd.
This entry was posted in Parody, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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